Why We Don’t Like Change (And How to Make Peace With It)

I don’t like change. Even small changes can throw me off.

The other week, my partner and I were planning to do a boot fair. The weather was uncertain, and all week it was this back-and-forth dance of will we, won’t we? I wanted to do it and wanted to know  it was happening. That not-knowing made me feel uncomfortable.

In the end, the weather made the decision for us, and the boot fair never happened.

For a while, I was stuck in the “Why can’t we just do it?” space. Logically, I knew it wasn’t a big deal, but inside, I felt off balance. My mind was out of sorts.

So, I turned to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) , one of the mind-body tools I teach my clients, and tapped on the feelings of uncertainty. After a short while, I felt calmer and more grounded again.

What came up during the tapping surprised me: “I don’t feel safe.”

Change Can Make Us Feel Unsafe

As humans, we naturally seek balance. It’s wired into us. Our ancestors needed stability to survive, food, shelter, safety. When those basic needs were uncertain, it could be life or death.

Now, even when change isn’t threatening our survival, our brains can react the same way. A change in routine, an unexpected plan, or even a shift in the weather can make us feel unsettled, unsafe, and unable to trust our environment.

What Can Help When You’re Facing Change?

One of the key qualities that helps us handle change is flexibility, being able to zoom out and see the bigger picture.

Here are a few gentle questions you might ask yourself:

1. Does this really matter?

The phrase “Don’t sweat the small stuff” exists for a reason. Sometimes we fixate on things that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t truly matter. If that’s the case, maybe it’s safe to let it go.

2. Is this anxiety… or excitement?

Anxiety and excitement are closely linked in the body. The butterflies, the restlessness, the racing thoughts. Check in with yourself. Could what you’re feeling actually be anticipation in disguise?

3. Can I find the positives in this change?

Maybe the uncertainty you’re feeling is actually an invitation. Perhaps a health concern gives you a chance to slow down, reflect, and realign. Or maybe a cancelled plan opens up time for rest or something unexpected.

4. Could this be the start of something new?

Sometimes, change is a doorway. What if the unknown was less of a threat and more of an adventure? It’s not always easy, but shifting your perspective can open up new possibilities.

5. Is this within my control?

This question can be incredibly grounding. If the answer is no, like the weather for our boot fair, then it’s an opportunity to practice letting go. You might not control the event, but you can choose your response. A deep breath can be the first step in that shift.

Big Changes Build Resilience

I’ve had my fair share of life-altering changes. At one point, my mortgage payments became overwhelming. I was working three jobs and was utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally. After many sleepless nights, I made the decision to sell my house, leave my jobs, and travel the world.

That choice changed everything. It led to priceless experiences and a deeper sense of resilience.

Big changes often teach us the most, not because they’re easy, but because they show us what we’re capable of when we let go of the familiar.

It’s OK to Feel What You’re Feeling

Before we try to flip to the positives, it’s important to feel our lived experience. Your emotions are valid.

This might look like acknowledging fear, or being honest about your discomfort with uncertainty or lack of control. When we explore what’s really underneath our reaction to change, we often find an opportunity for self-compassion. EFT is a great tool to help you uncover the layers of your experience.

If control is your comfort blanket, it’s okay. Recognising that is the first step toward softening your grip and inviting more ease into your life.

Give Yourself Compassion

Create space between the change and your reaction.

If something has unsettled you, take a breather. Go for a walk. Talk it through with someone you trust. Ask yourself the questions above.

Being flexible with change takes practice. It also takes kindness.

I’ve navigated huge changes, and while I’ve become more resilient, I’ve also learned to speak to myself more gently. I remind myself, “You’ll be fine.” And I believe it.

Try offering that same kindness to yourself. Practice softening your inner voice. Speak to yourself like someone you love.

Fear of the unknown. A need for control. Past wounds. These all play a role in how we react to change. So let’s meet ourselves with compassion instead of judgment.

Yes, change can lead to growth, resilience, and new beginnings. But first and always, be kind to yourself.

To embrace change, we must gently release fear. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

My heart goes out to all those who don’t have the privilege of feeling safe in the world right now, may you be held in compassion, strength, and hope.

With loving kindness, Karen. 🌿

Want to know more about ways to help yourself with emotions such as fear of change? A Calm Session is a great place to start where you can learn helpful ways to be more compassionate towards yourself.